


What I Would Have Said

by svana_vrika



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 03:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5895934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svana_vrika/pseuds/svana_vrika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinobi dealt with death on a regular basis. Some just hit harder than others</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I Would Have Said

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer** This story is an original work of fan-fiction. Naruto and its characters, props and settings are the intellectual property of Masashi Kishimoto. I just borrowed the lot for a few thousand words of entertainment. No copyright infringements are intended, and I will make no profit from their use. 
> 
> **Warnings** Significant spoilers for Naruto Shippuden episodes 79-80 (within the Akatsuki Suppression Mission)
> 
>  **Author’s notes** Unbetaed. All mistakes are my own

“Did you think it was going to happen this time?”

Izumo waited for more as he swished his toothbrush around his mouth one more time and then spat. Nothing came by the time he lifted his head from the sink, so he sent a questioning brow to Kotetsu through the mirror they were sharing as they made ready for bed.

“Death,” Kotetsu answered of the silent question, the two dark gazes meeting in the glass. “Did you think it was really it this time?”

Izumo’s brow arched again as he rinsed his toothbrush. “I had a huge-assed hand squeezing my throat. At the end of a detached arm. With a monster on the other end of it all.” _While watching Asuma die. Watching _you_ die. Knowing that Shikamaru would probably die. That they’d get to Naruto. To Konoha-_ Izumo cut the train of thought short. “Yeah, I think it’s safe to say the thought ran through my mind,” he finished dryly. He reached for the hand towel. “I think part of me _did_ die when I watched those kids with Asuma-san,” he said quietly after patting his mouth dry. “Sure the hell felt like it did, anyway.”

“I know.” Kotetsu’s voice was soft. “I saw.” Izumo felt his cheeks warm and, with a nod, he left the room. It was stupid. Yes, as shinobi, they were all supposed to wear masks; it didn’t matter that not all of them were ANBU. But it was just Kotetsu, and Kotetsu had never made him feel bad for his inability to keep his heart suppressed all the time. He liked it, he said. It kept Izumo real. The memory brought a small smile to his face and then Kotetsu was there behind him. “Me too,” Kotetsu said softly, catching his hand, bringing his free one up to Izumo’s cheek to make Izumo look at him. “And then after, when Shikamaru told Tsunade-sama he’d tell Kurenai-san; take Asuma-san’s message to her…”

Izumo gave a small smile and a nod. “Yeah. That was rough too. But we didn’t,” he said after a moment of just letting himself take the comfort of Kotetsu’s touch. “We didn’t die; we’ll regroup and rebuild, and life will go on.” He turned his head, placed a brief kiss to Kotetsu’s palm and then stepped away.

Kotetsu’s brow furrowed. “Rebuild?” he asked as he followed suit, rounding the foot of the bed to take his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he waited for Izumo.

“Yeah.” Izumo shut off the light, slipped beneath the sheets a few seconds later. “Mentally,” he elaborated once he’d turned to face Kotetsu. “Emotionally. Asumo-san was a good man. The Sandaime’s son and a Konoha shinobi. A presence. There’s a hole where he was now. And to see him die like that, to see those kids-“ Izumo shrugged, it resulting in a soft rustling sound of the sheets. “It seems even bigger because of those other things. “

Kotetsu thought about that for a moment, and then nodded slowly. “Have you always felt that way?” he asked. “That loss and need to rebuild?”

Izumo opened his eyes. “You haven’t?” he asked, answering Kotetsu’s question through his own.

“Have I _ever_ been as deep as you?” Kotetsu countered, smiling when he managed to bring one to Izumo’s lips, and then he sobered somewhat. “With some,” he admitted after another moment’s thought. “Not with everyone. Some, it’s just like a flicker of sadness and then it’s gone.”

“Mm,” Izumo replied, and he knew that Kotetsu wouldn’t take it for anything more than what it was; an acknowledgment and acceptance of that fact. “You always have been better with the concept of transience than I have,” he followed a few seconds later.

“Maybe,” Kotetsu hedged. “But I do have my attachments too.” He leaned down and placed a lingering kiss to Izumo’s lips, shifting to settle on top of him; Izumo parted his lips and slid his arms around Kotetsu’s back. “That’s when I think about death the most. When I think about you,” Kotetsu said against his mouth once the kiss broke. 

“ **What?** ”

“In battle!” Kotetsu rushed to explain. “And only when we’re sent off on missions apart from each other. It doesn’t happen when we’re together. Well, not usually,” he added when Izumo’s brow climbed, silently reminding him of what had happened earlier that day. “But when we’re not together, it’s a whole other thing.”

Izumo relaxed with the explanation, smiled a bit as Kotetsu’s head came to rest on his shoulder, lightly ran his fingers through Kotetsu’s hair. Kotetsu usually wasn’t this tactile unless he wanted- or they were having- sex. When Kotetsu got this way, so close that Izumo could taste him on his breaths and almost clingy, he was hurting- or guilty of something. This time, Izumo knew it was the former; in those instances, Kotetsu would speak through proximity and touch, as if unable to vocalize those softer feelings of emotional want or need. It wasn’t unexpected. As shinobi, they were trained to separate themselves from their emotions; to, at the very least, repress them if they couldn’t completely cut them off. They’d been shinobi for near-fifteen years now, and Kotetsu hadn’t been one to let his softer side show to begin with. Izumo was glad to be the one with whom Kotetsu would share that piece of himself. To be the one who could read and meet those unspoken needs. It was why they partnered well together in the field, that innate comprehension. But, of more importance to Izumo, it was- in part- what made Kotetsu truly his. “You can’t see me or sense me,” Izumo murmured, understanding, still carding through Kotetsu’s hair, his other hand traversing a slow path down Kotetsu’s spine. “I don’t have your back, you don’t know who has mine. You worry.” 

Izumo smiled a bit again when Kotetsu nodded against his shoulder. Hand coming to rest just above Kotetsu’s ass, the other now cupping the back of Kotetsu’s head, Izumo tilted it to murmur, “But I’m here now,” before placing a kiss just beneath Kotetsu’s ear. Kotetsu squirmed slightly, just as Izumo knew he would. Izumo hummed softly in contentment, turned Kotetsu’s head a bit more, mouth finding the end of Kotetsu’s jaw as he shifted his other hand to cup an ass cheek. “We’re together.” His teeth lightly scraped over the pink the strong suck brought to the surface of Kotetsu’s tanned skin. “Home.” He teased a finger along Kotetsu’s crevasse. “Alone.” 

“Izumo.”

Izumo flashed an unseen smile at the strangled quality to Kotetsu’s voice and then softly, “Shh. I know.” Hand tightening in Kotetsu’s hair, he brought their mouths together, murmuring wordlessly into the languid kiss when Kotetsu moved a leg to either side of his own. Izumo ran fingers down Kotetsu’s crack again to flirt over and around his hole. “I’ve got you,” he pulled away to lowly murmur against Kotetsu’s lips as he pushed them in. Kotetsu breathed his name and Izumo smiled against his mouth; for a long time he just held Kotetsu like that, kissing and fingering him, hand stroking from the crown of Kotetsu’s head to the small of his back until Kotetsu could no longer lie still and he started to softly moan. 

Izumo was hard; Kotetsu’s body was hot and tight and the friction as he restlessly shifted felt incredible. But it was Kotetsu’s vulnerability that made him ache to be inside him, fucking him slow and deep, making him come so hard that those unspoken insecurities and fears were seared away. Pulling his fingers free, Izumo kissed Kotetsu one last time and then rolled to put Kotetsu beneath him. Kotetsu’s eyes were but a glimmer beneath his lashes as Izumo peered down at him, and they fell completely closed when Izumo said lowly, “Get on your knees.” 

Izumo sat back on his heels, his own lashes falling as he watched; his dick pulsed as, when Kotetsu pushed up and parted his legs, his eyes slowly roved over Kotetsu’s softened hole to his tight balls and heavy cock. “Fuck yes,” he muttered, not bothering to hide the possession that tinged his tone. It wasn’t anything that bled through often but having Kotetsu like this did it every time; unable to wait any more, Izumo shifted forward, put his dick to Kotetsu’s hole and pushed in. 

The sound Kotetsu made went right to Izumo’s gut; taking hold of Kotetsu’s waist, Izumo slid out and then thrust back in, hands slowly sliding up Kotetsu’s sides before coming to rest on the mattress as Izumo curved over him. Kotetsu muttered his name, gave a slight roll of his hips; Izumo’s breath caught and he dropped his head to rest between Kotetsu’s shoulder blades. Slow wasn’t what Kotetsu wanted tonight and, for as aroused as he now was, Izumo would gladly oblige him. 

Dropping a kiss onto Kotetsu’s left shoulder, Izumo straightened as he slid out this time. Hands again finding purchase on Kotetsu’s hips, he drove in hard and then arched back just as fast. Kotetsu groaned, shifted a leg, pushed back to meet his next thrust in. The sound was different this time, a ragged gasp that spoke of the intensity of Kotetsu’s pleasure and, after a few more deep hard thrusts, Izumo shifted a hand to grip Kotetsu’s cock. “It’s alright, Kotetsu. Let go. I’ve got you.” 

“Izumo.” Kotetsu’s body tensed, almost as if to fight the release he needed so badly. Izumo’s eyes shaded further and he snapped his hips forward again, grinding against Kotetsu hard as he pulled Kotetsu’s dick. “I said let go.” Kotetsu gave a choked cry, body shaking; come pulsed over Izumo’s fist and Izumo’s eyes flashed, the guttural sounds Kotetsu continued to make through his orgasm driving his own arousal higher. When Kotetsu’s spend slowed, Izumo returned that hand to Kotetsu’s waist and resumed his earlier rhythm, fucking Kotetsu hard and fast until he came.

For several moments, everything seemed to stop, and then Izumo’s breaths caught up to him again. Izumo blinked his eyes open and gazed down; Kotetsu had settled his head onto his arms and Izumo could see that his eyes were closed; could see the sleepy, sated smile that meant Kotetsu was good again. Leaning forward, Izumo kissed Kotetsu just beneath the nape of his neck and then he straightened and let himself slip out. Fingers lightly caressed Kotetsu’s hips where he’d gripped them. There would be bruises there when they woke; ones of pleasure to nullify the mark of terror that had been left on Kotetsu’s neck. Izumo smiled at the thought and laid down. Kotetsu shifted, rolled and turned into him; smiling, Izumo brushed the hair from his cheek, draped an arm around Kotetsu’s waist and closed his eyes.

“I would have said that I love you.”

Kotetsu’s voice was soft, as if he spoke from the edge of a dream; Izumo cracked open an eye and peered down at him. “Hm?”

“If I died. Like Asuma did.” Kotetsu blinked heavily to make his eyes open, seeking Izumo’s. “I woulda told someone to tell you that I love you,” he said and then he closed his eyes again.

“Baka.” Izumo kissed him gently to take the bite out of the word. “I know. I’ll always know.” A gentle caress through the dark tresses. “Go to sleep.” But the slow, even breathing told that Kotetsu was already there. Despite it, Izumo continued his petting, more for his benefit now than Kotetsu’s. He’d known since before Kotetsu had told him and it was Izumo’s one constant in their tumultuous world. In his mind’s eye, Izumo suddenly saw Kotetsu in that monster’s grip again; his face that shade of death-grey, his eyes bulging out as he struggled for even a gasp of air. Izumo’s arm tightened and he moved his head so that he could press his face into the crook of Kotetsu’s neck, feel as much of him as he could, breathe deeply of his smell. Kiss the edge of the bruise that would be a horrific mottle of blacks, yellows and blues tomorrow. Death was a part of their near-daily lives but today had been a first, the two of them dancing along that precipice in perfect synchronicity. It wasn’t anything Izumo had thought about before but, now that he had, he hoped for it when the time came. An honorable Shinobi death with Kotetsu by his side. “I’m glad we died together is what I would have said,” he whispered lowly against Kotetsu’s skin and then he let the whimsical thought pass. They were alive and tomorrow was another day. Izumo smiled. _That_ was reality, and a much better thought to drift off to: living, potentially fighting, at Kotetsu’s side instead of dying.


End file.
